I just don't want to feel hurt T_T

Found out my pastor never kept me away from my nephew because he never had my sister's number, and my sister told lies in the heat of the moment and I believed her... ;-; After getting everything settled down, through so much tension and tears, we're all back together again. I don't wanna go behind other's backs when someone tells me lies... it just fills me with unending pain, I just wanna die by crying... Again, me and my pastor cousin made up, I heard his story, he cleared the air with me, and my sister, and everything is okay... but still, I... i don't want to cry... I don't want to hurt... Whenever someone in my family is close to me and they are angry with me, and I'm so full of sadness, I'm just scared to look them in the eye. If it's a stranger whom I don't give a shit about, I will burn a hole in his eyes. I hate hurting so much... I hate crying... Dia logh dom. Dia liom.